Autumn

On Thursday January 19th at 6:23pm our sweet Autumn crossed the Rainbow Bridge. To say that it was unexpected would be an understatement. I am still in shock by how quickly it all happened and it just hasn’t fully hit me yet. Happy and full of life on Tuesday morning, rushing to the vet on Tuesday evening and then rushing MedVet on Wednesday. We fought so hard for her to get better and if it had only been a stroke as originally thought, she may have survived. High blood pressure coupled with undiagnosed Kidney disease was too much and she fought brilliantly until she couldn’t. Ultimately I had to make the agonizing decision to let her go. God, I did not want to let her go. We were supposed to have YEARS together, not just 5 months. I knew from the first moment that I saw her and she reached out her paw to me that I was going to love this little cat forever. I don’t know what Autumn’s life was like before she came to us, we only know she was part of an abuse case. You would never know that was the case with her though. Autumn was filled with unconditional love.

She was so incredibly sweet. I’m going to miss hearing her excited little squeaks when she saw me walk into the room she was in, I’ll miss cuddling with her and feeling her press closer to me for comfort and warmth, I’ll miss waking up and seeing her little face staring at me then sighing in contentment. I’ll miss her sleeping at my feet while I worked in my office, my little co-worker. I’ll miss her following me around, I’ll miss her constantly asking for affection, something that I would never deny because she deserved all the love in the world. I will take comfort that the 5 months that she spent with us were filled with love and happiness. She was given unconditional love, she had a warm bed and always a full belly. My little chonky girl. I’ll miss her little waddle. I’ll just miss everything about her.

I am awash in a myriad of emotions. I feel guilty, I wonder about the what ifs, anger at the unfairness of it all, we should’ve had more time together. 5 months just wasn’t enough time. I just want to scream at the agony I feel. I know that a lot of people will say, it’s just a cat, but honestly she was so much more. She was a constant companion and a vessel of unconditional love and support. She made me smile, she made me laugh, she just made me happy. When the doctor came in and asked if we were ready, I honestly wasn’t, I didn’t want to let her go. I was literally screaming inside with pain, feeling my heart breaking. As I looked at her little face, her struggle at the slightest movement, I knew that I had to be unselfish and spare her any other pain. I whispered in her ear that I loved her, that I would always love her and that it was ok to go, that it was ok for her to rest.

Chris and I surrounded her with as much love and comfort as we could in her final moments, she fell asleep and then she peacefully passed away. She knew how much we loved her and the final words she heard from us were how much she meant to us and how much we loved her. Although she was in our lives for a short time, she will never be forgotten. I will love her and miss her for the rest of my life. The inscrutable grief I feel right now will slowly lessen but will never completely fade away. She took a part of my heart with her when she went away. I love you Autumn, I always will. Rest In Peace Sweet Pea.