Nemesis ‘Nemmy’

Nemmy was born sometime in the spring of 2013. In late May, a wonderful teacher gave me him as a graduation gift because she liked that I helped take care of her lizards and socialize them during my senior year. Within a couple of weeks, I moved from Texas to Ohio, and he came with me. Nemmy’s passing is the definitive bookend to my life I left behind.

Even though he was just a bearded dragon and lacks the emotional understanding that dogs, cats, and birds have, he was comforting. His weight on my chest was like a little sandbag and he held me together through many difficult points in my life. He loved to snuggle me on my left shoulder. That was his spot and he immediately went to it if I took him out of his enclosure. When he was younger, he enjoyed eating at the same time I did, so I would eat where he could see me. He got out of this habit a few years back. Jumping from high places was one of his favorite things and I had to keep a constant watch for that tell-tale wiggle. Sometimes, I’d lick my lips and he would mimic me until he got bored. Cats that tried to mess with him would learn real quick that he knew how to use his tail like a whip. But at the same time, he was the worst at hiding. His tail would always stick out as if he didn’t realize it could be seen. He was so lazy and would wait for bugs to come to him. If they walked away from him, he would turn his head and look at me like he wanted me to fix the problem. He was a lot more optimistic about meeting new people than I was, and would enjoy sitting on my shoulder or in my hood while at the park. Every time, he would observe people and peek his head up a little if someone wanted to say hi. But, he knew who I was and would watch me the entire time if I handed him off to friends and family. A favorite past time of his was to stare out the window. I don’t know what he was watching for, but he liked to see what was outside and would do it frequently.

I loved him to pieces. We can’t choose our attachments and he was definitely a funny lizard with funny quirks. Sometimes, he would be the smartest little dragon on the planet, and other times I wondered if he had a rock for a brain.

Unfortunately, bearded dragons live at most 12 years. Living outside of that is a rarity and I thought I had a few more years. To my horror, when he was only 8.5, a vet scare turned into a goodbye. I took him to the ER on Sunday because he seemed like he had trouble breathing and his eyes were looking swollen. By early morning Monday, he had been diagnosed with heart failure- a condition that is exceedingly rare in reptiles. Research on treating this condition is in the single digits, though I’m sure a vet’s intranet will have more cases. The expert handling my case had to consult with another expert because of how rare the condition is. But the subtle symptoms did check most of the boxes. When I saw him on Monday, the swelling had gotten worse and he was very obviously sick. When I look at a picture of just a month ago, it became clear how he had lost some weight recently, even though he still had similar voracity in how much he ate.

Before my weepy goodbye, he very clearly wanted me. He wanted to go home. He didn’t want to close his eyes. Handing him back to the clinic for his final rest was one of the hardest things I’ve done.

I’m very glad he’s home, now. I miss Nemmy so much and it feels like there’s a lizard-sized hole in my heart.